I knew I should have left months before I did... the warning signs were all there. I was becoming a version of myself I no longer recognized or enjoyed but I just couldn’t find it in me to put an end to this relationship that I KNEW was so toxic, so unhealthy for me.

To throw in the towel could only mean “failure”, right? And what if (WHAT IF?!) things could be different this time? How could I know if I didn’t just push through? The warning signs were all there, right in front of my face but, in case you haven’t heard, love is blind...

And we’ve all been blinded by love a time or two, right? There is no shame in holding that kind of devotion within your heart and soul, no matter the outcome, because those inevitably become the experiences that shape us as individuals.

But the love I was blinded by was not at the hands of a romantic partner or another human being at all, for that matter. The love I held was (and still is) for a hope, a dream, and the very reason you’re even reading this article. You see, the object of my heart and desires are held by the cannabis plant, and for the intoxicatingly intricate “web” of an industry that surrounds it.

For the Love of a Plant

I have loved this plant (and the entire culture that has surrounded it) for as long as I can remember. I nurtured and dreamed the feelings I have for it to fruition; I have manifested this ardent admiration into the reality I now exist in for almost two decades.

I so fondly remember the days I spent as a young teen curled up on the sofa in my older brother Jordan’s bedroom with his latest edition of “High Times” while listening to him and his buddies talk about the very things I was reading about regarding their own grows. Years later, my brother finally made the move to begin legally growing at the beginning of Michigan’s green rush, heading up the northern part of the state and calling home every so often to paint vividly beautiful pictures to his baby sister of this new life on the farm with this wonderful plant that I had come to know and love with so much affection as he did by then.

I romanticized the fantasy of living a life fueled by passion and serving a higher purpose, all centered around a medicine that I truly came to believe in, and always will believe in. The plant has never been the antagonist in this epic love saga of my lifetime but a shining, “knight in green armor,” protagonist that triumphs in the end. Because that’s the “stuff” that good stories are made of, right?

Years later, even after all that I’ve experienced in this wild cannabis industry ride, I still hold hope that it will.

In Comes the Heartbreak

But, like every good story with a narrative twist of heartbreak like my own, somewhere around the middle of that story you find out a bit of crucial information that paints the entire picture of the anecdote. My passion is to serve a purpose with this plant, and my passion and purpose are both fueled by my own terminal illness.

I was diagnosed as a Brittle Type-1 diabetic at the tender age of 14, and for almost 20 years have lived with this disease that has caused so much senseless suffering not only for myself, but for those around me who have loved and supported me in this fight that will last until the day I die.

This life with T1 can be exhausting, endless, and leave me feeling downright hopeless at times. It is unrelenting in its terrifying torment, and I have not known peace since the moment I was diagnosed in 2005. Because I spend the majority of my time every day making critical, medical decisions to save my life, I will never know peace ever again.

I admit without shame the blatant truth of my reality: it’s hard to not think that I’d rather just die from this disease now, than spend the rest of my lifetime suffering with it. No matter what you’ve heard about someone battling an illness that is terminal– there is no glory in suffering, there is no beauty in the strength or the fight that is required to stay alive, that a T1 faces in every moment of every day. But in the tragedy that is my diagnosis, there was also the birth of my purpose and my passion.

The Heroine’s Cannabis Journey

My journey began in this industry in 2017, wholesaling CBD products to anyone who wouldn’t slam the door in my face immediately. That same year, Ohio legalized cannabis for a medical market and I soon found my way to the retail side of things. In those years spent consulting with the patients that steadily streamed into our dispensary, the fire of my passion for the plant engulfed and consumed me entirely.

I had “loved” cannabis before but fell madly “IN love” with it in those moments at the store, sitting at tables and listening to the adversities and challenges so many others faced in their own fights with senseless suffering, helping them find products and remedies that gave them a better quality of life to endure and fight on.

From there, I made my way from the retail side of cannabis to the sales side of it all, more eager than ever to spread awareness and advocate for this plant medicine with the challenge and excitement of this new role and perspective as a brand ambassador.

As I learned how to navigate the Ohio market, perfecting the skill set and acquiring all the tricks and skills necessary to be successful at this trade, the momentum of my career and reputation began gaining attention and respect, which inevitably landed me the opportunity to do the same representing other brands within our state. I was so hopeful at the beginning of this part of my career. I was prepared and excited to educate patients and store staff alike, and I started this part of my journey by representing a brand that I truly believed in.

The products of that first brand were products that I instantly fell in love with; they were products I felt confident in recommending to other patients, especially being diabetic, and the brand itself embraced me as one of their own from the get-go. They had set the bar high for what I expected out of the brands that followed. I assumed the rest of these big multi-state operators would embrace the same “family matters'' mentality. but sadly I was let down. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.

Industry Exploitation

For years, I have courageously told my story of the battle I’ve faced in my illness and sang my testimony for this plant that has given me the strength to prevail over the adversities I endured, all the while never realizing that most of these brands only ever wanted to capitalize on me doing just that.

I had naively (and maybe ignorantly) convinced myself that EVERYONE in this industry had the same intentions that I had– to help the consumers find an alternative way to medicate and remedy themselves, and to educate all who would listen on cannabis products, ultimately making the world a little bit of a better place.

For many years prior to cannabis, I had bitterly resented the pharmaceutical industry for the exploitation of myself and others for profit. I had no idea that I could become just as exploited, in ways different and the same, in the cannabis industry.

But by the time I realized this truth, it was too late. The bitter seeds of resentment had already taken root, and I finally saw and accepted this relationship for what it had become: toxic. It was the heartbreak I never saw coming. When I finally became too overwhelmed by all these painful feelings, realizations that inevitably lead to my sorrow, I did the only thing I could think of doing; I retreated. I called it a “sabbatical” and disassociated myself from the source of my pain.

Talk About the Passion

But the universe works in mysterious ways... because amid my struggle to find acceptance and peace in the decisions I had made, I somehow came into orbit with some truly amazing souls - the very souls behind this publication you are reading right now.

I immediately recognized them to be the kind of people who lived and breathed the same brand of fiery passion– to put so much good out into the world with this medicine– the same passion that I always felt. And with this recognition, came a flicker of hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, this relationship could be fixed, and the love once shared was not lost entirely.

The serendipitous meeting of these like-minded souls became the pivotal catalyst that rerouted and reshaped the trajectory of the rest of my story. Slowly, I have begun to fall back in love, by truly understanding and nurturing the relationship in healthy ways, continually surrounding and aligning myself with people, thoughts, ideas, and intentions that will allow this love to organically grow the way that it deserves.

For so many years, I erred in loving this industry and the work being done by focusing on what I wanted it to be, rather than for what it truly is.

I had become so hyper-focused on all that was wrong about it that I almost became blind to all that is good, beautiful, and RIGHT within it, nearly missing the chance to experience this new kind of love, entirely.

To be lucky enough in life to experience the feeling of “love” is to understand the remarkable magnitude of other emotions that we must call upon to obtain it. My favorite stories are my favorite stories not just because good triumphs over evil in the end, but because of the tales of courageous acts of bravery and grace in fighting to get to the very sweet ends that provoke my happiness.

Our Story

The tales of this journey will be illustrious and poetic in painting the landscape and glories of the battles we are all fighting now, for that is what the love we all feel demands and stirs within.

The story we will ALL tell one day will be a triumphant recollection of the chronicles of our fight that withstand the test of time, because that is the truth of the war we have all endured thus far.

This love cannot be defined as “toxic”, and this story will never be called a “tragedy”. I am grateful to be a part of this astounding saga that IS the story of the cannabis industry in this country, and to finally see this parable for what it truly is: a masterpiece, chronicling the cultivation of a true and enduring love for cannabis.

A Chronicle of Cultivating a Cannabis Legacy and Love Story