Encyclopedia Brownweed & The Case of the Missing Stash
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Bueno Verde is the stoniest little town in all of California. And nobody was stonier, or smarter for that matter, than Raefer Bogart. But nobody ever called him Raefer (except his lady) and you better not call him “Bogart,” because nobody was more generous with his reefer than Raefer.
Everyone in town called him Encyclopedia Brownweed. An encyclopedia is a book or books filled with facts. Nobody in town knew more about weed than Raefer. Encyclopedia was not just a smoker, but a grower and award winning breeder.
So, why the name “Brownweed”?, you may ask. Especially in a town whose name when literally translated means “good green.” Well, Raefer liked to cure his weed in an old Indian fashion that usually left the buds a beautiful brown/gold color. Encyclopedia claimed it gave his product a “longer shelf life.” But no one in town ever found out because weed did not have much of a “shelf life” in Bueno Verde, especially Encyclopedia’s bud.
Late morning one quiet day, Encyclopedia had just twisted one and was about to spark up when Derek “Domino” Axeman came strolling into the yard. Derek was the best guitar player around, especially gifted on the slide guitar. People from all over California would truck to Bueno Verde to check out his deft work. More than being a great musician, Derek was also known as a guy with a great attitude, always up for the next jam…or doobie for that matter.
Derek looked up, eyes amazingly clear: “Dude, I can’t find my stash.”
“What?” exclaimed Encyclopedia. He had been to see Derek’s gig the previous night and even brought Derek a sack of fat nugs.
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“Dude, what happened? That was a sweet bag I set you up with.”
“I don’t know. The reefer was great, as usual. In fact, the whole night gets kinda fuzzy after we smoked down in the parking lot.”
“Well, only the best for my friends. C’mon, hit this and let’s see if we can piece together what happened.”
Derek sat down, accepted the joint Encyclopedia offered, and inhaled deeply. He exhaled slowly, until all the smoke was gone. He then took another quick hit and passed the joint back to Encyclopedia. Derek then picked up the guitar Encyclopedia owned. Encyclopedia, for his part, could tell you book and verse about the history of rock and blues guitarists. It was his second great passion in life, after weed. But he could not play a note on the instrument. Still, he kept a guitar around and “in tune” for moments such as this. Moments when he was privileged to a private show.
Encyclopedia hit the joint a couple times while Derek “fine tuned” the instrument and began to loosen his fingers with a few runs. Derek took the joint, hitting it about three times before handing it back to Encyclopedia. As that familiar warm tingly feeling crept into his head, settling behind his eyes, Derek began to play. It started with a couple of chords that slowly fell into a gentle melody. He then broke off a short lead before settling into a groove. As the music took form, Encyclopedia began to ask some questions.
“OK, I brought you that bag while you were unloading in the parking lot. We smoked a bowl from my stash. What do you remember after that?”
Derek closed his eyes and unleashed a furious guitar run. It appeared effortless, but Encyclopedia knew better.
“Yeah, so after we smoked down in the parking lot I remember thinking, ‘Man, that is some righteous weed, I can’t wait to share with the band.’”
“Ok, so what did you do then?”
“Well, I remember getting my gear and heading into the club. I went backstage and met up with the other guys in the band. I told them they needed to check out the kind herb I had just procured.”
Encyclopedia hit the joint a few times. His eyes closed as he handed the joint back to Derek, visualizing the story Derek was telling. “OK, then what?”
“Well, we went back outside to take a taste and Phil insisted on rolling.”
“Wait a minute, you let Phil roll? The guy twists logs.”
“Yeah, true. But that was a righteous fat sack, AND I picked the bud he rolled.”
The conversation unfolded as the joint made its way back and forth and Derek filled the silence with the sound of the guitar. Encyclopedia learned that during the pre-show smoke down, the band twisted another fatty for break. Derek also hazily remembered one of the other guys breaking out his new glass and the band “breaking it in” with two, maybe three bowls.
“So, what happened after the show? Any parties?”
“Yea! These two super cute girls came up to the stage as I was putting my guitar back in its case. One of them handed me a slip of paper with an address and phone number. They were beautiful, I was stunned.”
“You were stoned.”
The joint passed between them in silence a few times before Derek continued.
“Anyway, Phil sniffed out that invite and was by my amp in no time. He was all, ‘Dude, I’m riding to that party with you right?’”
Encyclopedia exhaled slowly, “Let me guess, Phil rolled another number for the road.”
“No man, the dude rolled two. The first for the ride over and the second for when we got to the party.”
“Damn, bet you noticed a dent in that bag by now.”
“No man, I was driving. So, when Phil handed it back I just shoved it into my pocket.”
They finished the joint and sat back to let the buzz creep up on them before Derek continued.
“We were pretty fried by the time we got to the party. Phil went to score us a couple of beers. I wandered looking for the girls. We walked the party for a bit, ran into the rest of the band. Pretty sure I got talked into loading that bowl a couple of times. Just call me deep fried.” Derek’s voice curled into a drawl at the end.
Encyclopedia laughed. “Did you ever find the girls?”
“Oh yeah, I remembered the paper and called the number. They were in another part of the house, upstairs.”
“Man, this is getting.”
“No fooling. These chicks had set up a smoking lounge upstairs. I walked in and claimed a spot between the two girls and sparked the fatty Phil had rolled. Next thing I know, I am sprawled out on this big cushion thing, a honey on either side. I remember thinking ‘This must be heaven.’”
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“Hey man, let me stop you for a moment. You are now three Phil joints and four to six bowls into this bag.”
Derek stopped playing and looked up, a look of deep-fried confusion on his face. “Huh, what? Really. Wow, I guess that’s right.” He said, counting on his fingers. “And check this out. Phil had his own bud and was not being stingy and it weren’t no kid’s stuff.”
Encyclopedia laughed. “Dude, did you fly home?”
“Who went home?” Derek laughed, “Hell, who’s been home?”
“Well, now I know why I don’t hang with you more. Rockstars are trouble magnets.”
They both laughed.
“Alright,” continued Encyclopedia. “The music never stopped. Let me guess, she had a bong, right?”
“Duh man. It was a smoking lounge.”
“And you spent the night, packing bong loads?”
“Yeah, so? What are you getting at?”
Encyclopedia began to chuckle a bit.
“What’s so funny? Why are you laughing? It’s all cool. She was cool. There was no foul play or anything.”
“Stop! Stop!” howled Encyclopedia. He was laughing, coughing and crying all at the same time. “Stop it. You are killing me.”
“Dude, what IS your problem?”
Encyclopedia stopped laughing and caught his breath. “You stoner, check that little pocket thingee there on your jeans.”
Encyclopedia calmed down while Derek dug into the small pocket at the right-hand top of his jeans. After a brief struggle Derek finally extracted a small, tightly folded square of a sandwich baggie.
“Oh shit!” Derek exclaimed, as he unfolded the baggie.
“You smoked it ALL dude.”
“Oh man, not all of it, but shit! That bag was supposed to last a while. “
Derek finished unfolding the baggie revealing one last fat nug, just perfect for a wake ‘n bake.
“No worries, there’s always more where that came from.” Encyclopedia stood up to go back into the house.
Derek stood up and followed Encyclopedia. “I bet you were thinking about this when you suggested meeting me BEFORE the show last night. Sell two bags instead of one. I bet those girls work for you.”
Encyclopedia grinned as they walked into the house.
“Hey, they don’t call me Encyclopedia Brownweed for nothing.”