Every songbird yearns for the southern hemisphere when temperatures are turning cold. Migratory fledglings are innately drawn south, they cover vast distances to secure food, nesting and finding a safe haven in winter. Our feathered friends are constantly in search of a better deal and a more accommodating environment. Perhaps, there is a little bit of a birdbrain migration phenomenon embedded in all of our psyches. 

Our fabled “Snowbird” is an endearing term coined for temporary seasonal Floridian residents usually of the retirement age group. Beginning in the fall, around mid-september this year: I succumbed to wanderlust with lack of air conditioning, thus deciding to take a dip in the Sunshine State. This operation vacation was all about relaxation, grabbing some rays, visiting family, then investigating the current state of stoner affairs on Florida’s medical marijuana legislation docket. For a territory built out of marshland to progress to adopting a truncated form of full MMJ legalization is indeed a fascinating history. Now, Florida Statutes Section 381.986 from Online Sunshine has updated to allow a form of what is really a beta license exchange and pseudo-reciprocity which now exists with out-of-state Snowbirds. 

Adults 18+ with a valid medical condition, may apply for a standard FL MMJ card, which is valid for a bit more than half the year, using existing foreign identification of residency and medical records. The Florida license procurement process involves scheduling a doctor’s appointment to provide an out of state driver’s license, medical records, and affidavit showing intent to snowbird through a lease or family member signing the agreement for occupancy verification. This is a subtle, yet prolific change to the original program roll-out, which allowed only Florida state-ID holders to procure the debut FL-MMJ license. Requiring a citizen to obtain a state ID, kind of defeated the whole snowbirding concept. At least now for a high tax, the patient can consume their medicine during their holiday migratory travels.

 Still, we might not all be singing a song of praise. Medical marijuana cards in Florida do not allow cultivation of any kind, are only valid for 210 days and must be re-certified every 70 days or your card will be made invalid. Certain deals can be found for annual packages costing $200. There is not always an additional fee for a 70-day re-certification within the same year. A doctor can consult with you online through some platforms to make sure your card stays valid. When I first gained my FL-MMJ license in 2020, the cost was closer to $300 with M.D. appointment fees due twice annually. Overall, Florida’s medical marijuana program ranks at the top of the list for the costliest program for patient access in the United States, when the license and prescriptions costs are combined. 

On the flipside, if you have a FL-MMJ license, then there are many states, like Nevada which will honor the pure reciprocity, as outlined by Floridian MMJ Doctor Green in his bloggings. So there is a bit of additional value if you travel around the Country perhaps with obtaining the Snowbird MMJ card in Florida and using it in your other home state, as backwards as that sounds. When compared to Nevada as an example, the value translation might make sense, because a NV-MMJ license to cultivate for two years including a medical exam all completed from your home via teleconference costs a measly $100. 

At this point you’re thinking: wow, this gentleman consumes THC in so many various locations, usually when the temperature is warm, plus he has an uncanny ability to sniff out the best buds… and you would be correct, my dear friends! But let’s take the idea one step further, shall we say, it’s a professional talent possessed, like a nose on a bloodhound. Or, maybe better described, as a special beak on a Snowbirdstoner! 

After toking on and sampling various dispensaries around town, VidaCann, Cannabist, and others, the fall time started to turn into what’s called Snowbird Season. I actually took my UK law school finals in Florida, over the internet… what a day and age we live in. A couple drizzly happy hours on the waterfront dining near Fort Myers Yacht Club and one day trip to Matlacha Island were additional highlights.
When I heard that Hurricane Ian was coming to Florida, and moreso, directly in the path of my snowbirdy abode area in Cape Coral, I got the heck out of dodge. Probably a few neighbors also heard my vocal reaction at 5:00 am early in the morning to the news, when Governor DeSantis declared a state of emergency. I thought to myself: “I didn’t come this far and survive, to become flooded out and snowbirds really can’t swim.” My logic was really as simple as that, figuratively speaking, except for species like ducks and waterfowl: some birds can’t swim great. I’m that bird, and I was out of my element. Oddly the rainy season had extended, so not too many solid beach days transpired. 

 I recollect watching the meteorologist report that due to water temperatures near Jamaica of nearly 90 degrees, a gigantic level of cold and hot mixed to produce this monstrosity of nature Category 4 tropical storm. Driving over the bridge from Cape Coral to Fort Myers, heading to the mainland in the morning, the aura of the ocean waves washed over me with an energy of tranquility. Somehow calmness was in the air, allegedly similar to how the eye of a hurricane is perfectly still, blatantly foreshadowing the pending tempest bearing down on us from the Caribbe

Breezing on Breeze Airways to the west coast on a direct flight, it dawned on me, no joke stone cold, that a one-way ticket to retreat is what I truly purchased. And maybe regret, since I promised myself and one family member who decided to stay behind and weather the storm: that I’d return as soon as the havoc subsided. I’d be jetting back to my lagooney nest in two weeks, but for now, there’s no shame in admitting: it was time for this li’l birdie to spread his wings and fly the coop.

There I was again, feeling a familiarity repeating itself while I’m descending towards the tarmac, exactly one month later to the day when Hurricane Ian made landfall. Attendants were somber and gave an announcement of sympathy over the intercom, something unique I hadn’t heard before on a flight. Staring out the window, the plexiglass fogged up from the humidity. Wiping away the steam, the situation revealed itself. What was I in for here? 

One word to describe Lee County in Southwest Florida: Decimated. The entire scene was simply smashed to smithereens! Places were wrecked with mountainous piles of debris. Side streets became blocked and impassable. 500 year old trees uprooted and snapped in half by the wind reminded me of discarded toothpicks. One night I cruised around for an hour, searching for a gas station that was open to buy some basic supplies like water, snacks, and whatever was left from the ransacked 7-11 convenience store. Friendly neighborhood Walmart markets were not open and security SUV’s parked nose in. With their lights and sirens flashing, the guards stood vigilant to prevent looters from making a smash and grab attempt at the supply rich target of opportunity.

Posturing as a tough guy with the slogan: “You loot, we shoot’: Gov. DeSantis stresses law and order in Ian-ravaged communities.” Looting is a slang term for in-home invasions, or what’s commonly known as burglary. This crime is a serious felony carrying sentences up to 5 years in prison. A super heavy presence of law enforcement was everywhere, on every corner, and it’s common to see active interceptors parked in home driveways. In 2021, A Judge Has Blocked The 'Anti-Riot' Law Passed In Florida After George Floyd Protests, so it makes one wonder if perhaps the FL leadership conglomerate is actually taking advantage of the state of emergency to pass laws which will bolster their political resumes, when the dust settles, more than help the citizens. The situation is analogous to a good old fashioned showdown between the government on one side, and the citizens on the other, being conducted O.K. Corral style. 

Laws to deter unlawful public assembly already exist, yet Florida legislators do not spend the energy to prioritize on an important issue, such as cultivation of medical marijana. The mentality in the sunshine state seems to be focusing on punishment before healing. If you think about it: the crimes for theft have increased through looting statues, yet a patient is not allowed to grow the medical plants which may be stolen. New rules are not justified to protect assets, because the ability to create the property which might be stolen, is not available. This simple thought experiment shows the illogical and reversed nature of Florida’s legislative budget. There is a clear need for reprioritization of governing for the betterment of the residents and tourists. 

Some of the doctors, like at the office issuing my license, were no longer open. Medical providers were not seeing patients virtually for 2-3 weeks, right after the apocalyptic hurricane doomsday. With dispensaries shuttered and unavailable caregivers, many Floridians were in previous conditions beyond the state of obvious emergency. 

Oh, and the Humanity of Matlacha, the magical little island detached off the west end of Cape Coral! Included is a picture of a bridge like the one I drove over, which exists no more. There is an Island Pho restaurant, which I stopped at to sample some egg rolls. Right behind the outdoor patio, on a wooden gazebo, I zoned out at sunset watching the bright blue waves roll in. That might be the last time the same view is experienceable. 

What was once a place of paradise, now almost resembled a pigmented nightmare. Traffic with lawn servicers intensified on the road. If you are someone who suffers from a mild form of roadway anxiety, getting cut-off 3x times by a trucker pulling a trailer full of lawn mowers, with equipment hanging out, at 65 miles per hour, might get stressful quickly. The laidback tropical vibes became heightened and rushed. The attitude of the locale was hopeful, yet the destruction of the culture was undeniable. 

Fellow Fat Nugs contributing writer Matt Dean of Delray Beach shared: “And out come the vultures, this is textbook FL. Unfortunately the residents of the area are powerless when it comes to the developers and now hedge funds and it’s not like the state government does anything about these predators.” Gougers, without licenses, prey upon the elderly in a systematic fashion. On Florida's Gulf Coast, developers eye properties ravaged by Hurricane Ian, for plunderous purposes of pilfering properties and profiteering.

NPR reports that in 2020, two residents of fifty years sued Lee County after the rezoning allowed a high-rise apartment complex across the street from their home. An administrative judge ruled in the resident’s favor, on the grounds that the development would increase hurricane evacuation times. Then one month before Hurricane Ian, Gov. DeSantis and his Cabinet overturned that decision, green-lighting the project and paving the way for more density across Lee County's hurricane-prone areas. "Southwest Florida has a different flavor," the resident said. "We really don't want to become another Miami. But money talks.

To pontificate: Florida needs to revitalize their programs, due to the logic that true happiness comes from basic freedom and not excessive order guising totalitarianism. The sunshine state should remember to honor their Veterans by not taxing them excessively on their medicine, ironically needed to heal from the injuries acquired defending the same laws passed on citizens. When the price tag of paradise becomes costlier than bedrock values of health and safety, the governor burdens himself by trying to be too many things, across a variety of many people, at once. 

We must realize that society is essentially one big circle, and what goes around comes around.  Buddha teaches “Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” So, let’s focus on aiding the needy, increase our compassionate actions to the wounded, and make healing medicine universally accessible. 

Snowbirdstoner© is an alias of Grant Mitchell

REFERENCES

Jason Vuic. BookShelf: How ‘The Swamp Peddlers’ Scammed Their Way to Florida’s Eco-Destruction. “The Swamp Peddlers: How Lot Sellers, Land Scammers, and Retirees Built Modern Florida and Transformed the American Dream.” University of North Carolina Press.

https://www.sej.org/publications/bookshelf/how-swamp-peddlers-scammed-their-way-florida-s-eco-destruction

Dr. Green 

Veriheal

Downey, R. 2022. Florida Politics. https://floridapolitics.com/archives/560429-you-loot-we-shoot-gov-desantis-stresses-law-and-order-in-ian-ravaged-communities/